TOPLESS

I had another weird dream this morning before I woke up. I was shopping for motor oil, but for some reason, it was a struggle. The motor oil kept turning into loaves of bread.

On top of that, I was being tormented by these young guys who were shopping for beer. I wasn't wearing a shirt and feeling self-conscious. 

When I was trying to check out with the cashier, there seemed to be some confusion. The cashier needed me to give her my email address, and somehow, I managed to buy a bunch of crap that I didn't want.

When I got back to my apartment complex, they were constructing a swimming pool on the property. 

Inside my apartment, I started getting messages from the cashier from the store. She was sending me movies of her and this other woman laying topless out in some back garden somewhere. I found myself attracted to her even though she appeared to have very small eyes.

I realized the reason she wanted my email address was to make contact with me.

Then they got up and went into a building. Inside, there was a big party going on and people were dancing.

I found myself feeling jealous because their lives seemed much more exciting than mine. 

THE AMUSEMENT PARK

I have this recurring dream. I'm at an amusement park. I'm always trying to make my way to the big roller coaster. 

I never get there.

I think it's symbolic.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD

Today is my dad's birthday. He was born on 3/3/36 and died on 6/30/06. I always associate him with those numbers.

When he and my mother separated, he rented a trailer home in Paradise Cove. He would take us there on weekends. He showed us how to make people out of paper. He was very creative that way. We made a whole western town.

He was an intellectual. He was a huge admirer of Einstein. At the same time, he also had a very passionate love for art. 

When we went to visit him, he always showed us a good time. He had a luxurious car and drove us all over Los Angeles. He took us to nice restaurants, movies, Dodger games. He exposed us to culture. One summer, he took us to Europe.

He loved life and people. He was always telling us stories about things he experienced.

He was very open-minded and diplomatic. He was liberal but listened to conservative talk radio. He was agnostic but very involved in the Christian Church. He loved conversations and was a good listener. He got along with everybody who knew him.

He would have been eighty-eight if he was alive today.

Sometimes he visits me in my dreams.

FEBRUARY

I realized I haven't posted anything this month. I guess it was a combination of distractions...

I interviewed for a promotion that I didn't get.

I took a vacation to California, and it rained the whole time.

I guess I was not feeling that particularly inspired.

It wasn't as if anybody was reading this stuff anyway.

MORNING CALL

I got a call from the store manager this morning. He was wondering why I wasn't at work. 

I told him that I woke up this morning, decided to shave off all my hair, go on the Mediterranean Diet, become a Buddhist, and start writing a novel.

"So, you're not coming in today?" he asked.

"No, I don't think so," I replied.

THE RAIN ON MY WINDSHIELD

The rain pounced on my windshield while I was on the freeway. It became hard to see and was very stressful.

I need the sky to clear.

I need to be able to see the road ahead.

I need to start working closer to home.

A MYSTERY

I want to write a story. I need an idea. I was thinking of starting very simple, and then slowly creating more elements. I was thinking about a mystery.

I don't know what I'm thinking.

MOM'S DIARRHEA

Last week she texted me to tell me she had diarrhea. She said that she thought it was from eating too much fruit. Telling me about stuff like that is one of those odd things that my mom does. I want to tell her that it's not necessary to tell me these things, but I'm afraid it will hurt her feelings. I just allow her to do it and try not think about it too much.

 

ON MY WAY HOME

On my way home, I was taking the bus toward the Max stop, and this woman was yapping very loudly in Chinese on her phone. I'm not sure if she knew how loud she was, or even cared. We ended up getting off at the same stop and waiting on the same train. She continued to yap the whole time we waited.

When the train arrived, I very deliberately chose a different car. On that car, there were a lot of homeless people camped out trying to escape the cold. I managed to find a seat toward the front near this man, and this punk rock girl. I was relieved to get away from the yapping woman. 

Then I started hearing these noises. I thought at first, it was some strange announcement on the intercom. Then I realized it was coming from the phone of the man who was sitting near me. Suddenly his phone started blaring this very loud and obnoxious music that he started singing and dancing too, while looking at his reflection in the window.

At first, I tried to go with it, but after a while, it started making me feel very anxious. I was tired. It had been a long day. I got up to try to find another place to sit, couldn't find a seat, and ended up standing.

At the next stop, I got off and jumped onto the other car. It was much more comfortable, and I was able to find a seat.

The Chinese woman was now off the phone.

And I was almost home.

FROZEN

I have yet to see one car. I did see somebody trying to walk. He slipped and fell three times. I think that says something. I don't think I'm going anywhere today.

MLK

Today is MLK Day. I'm glad that we honor him. He was a great man. He had a positive message. He had a dream of bringing people together. I wish we had somebody like him today. I would feel much better about things if we did.  

A LEGITIMATE QUESTION

I was explaining that my soccer team had played a regional championship in Orange County. In the game, I blocked a goal with my face. It was very painful. We ended up losing. I didn't mention that detail in the dream. Then this very distinctive female voice spoke to me.

"What are you writing?" She asked, and I immediately woke up. 

This happens to me sometimes. Not very often, but sometimes.

I'm pretty skeptical of the idea that there are ghosts hovering around us in the air, but her voice was very real. She was asking me what seemed a very legitimate question. In fact, if I were a ghost living in my apartment, and saw me tapping away on my laptop all day, I'd probably be wondering the same thing.

To be honest, I don't really have an answer.

PARENTING ADULTS

Rules are rules, and there are clear rules against it. If I don't say anything, it can potentially come back and bite me on the ass. 

I wait until he comes into the back room.

"Hey Dan, you're not wearing your earbuds on the sales floor, are you?" I'm trying to seem calm and collected.

"Not usually," he responds.

"You are aware that you are not supposed to, right?"

"Yes. I am aware," he replies.

The guy is fucking thirty years old.

God, how I hate parenting adults.

NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS

1. Have more fun

2. Visit my mother

3. Take a trip with Rose

4. Worry less

5. Set boundaries with Arlene

6. Be realistic with my writing goals

7. Spend more time with friends

8. Make peace with where I am

9. Find out what the hell happened to Wendy

10. Take up hiking

11. Drink more water

12. Work closer to home

13. Have a few flings

14. Follow up on doctor appointments

15. Eat better

16. Stop paying attention to Donald Trump

17. Start thinking about the future

18. Get people to actually read this blog

2023

I have this aversion to odd numbers. I'm not sure why. I think it's because they don't divide evenly.

2023 was not a very eventful year for me. In fact, I can't really say I accomplished much of anything. 

They raised my rent and utilities for my apartment. I tried to find another apartment but failed miserably.

I managed to get a week off of work and came down with Covid. It was bad timing, but at least it spared me from having to call out.

When I wasn't working, I spent most of my time writing. Nothing I wrote seemed to amount to much.

I bought a video game console for Rose for her birthday. I ended up playing it more than she did.

In November, I started this blog. I guess that was something.

TATER

"I call a potato a tater, and the next thing I know, I'm reading a news article about a dog named Tater. This kind of stuff happens to me over and over again. At a certain point, I wonder how much I'm being controlled," I say to Linda.

"Interesting concept," She says.

"It would make a good story," I say.

"Perhaps you should write it."

"But would I be the one actually writing it?"

"Write it anyway."

I take a moment and ponder the idea. Then I place my hands on the keyboard and my fingers begin tapping away.

THE SYSTEM

I have a job that I go to five days a week that takes up most of my time and energy. At work, I try to be a good employee and do all the things that are expected of me. Sometimes it's quite a lot.

But at the end of the day, I don't make enough to cover my expenses. I'm not even living that extravagantly. 

In a couple months, I will get my review. There's always going to be something I will be told I need to improve on. Hopefully, I will get a raise. Whatever raise I get, will never match the increase in my cost of living. 

It's all a bad joke when you think about it.

THE GIANT

When he would return, the first thing he would do was complain. He would get so fired up and angry. He complained about everything and everybody. He would yell at me until my face turned red. I think he enjoyed it.

He acted like he was so much smarter than everyone else. He believed that there was no possible way that Trump could win the election in 2016. That's how much he knew.

I went to the grocery store yesterday and saw him stacking cans of tuna. There was part of me that wanted to say hello, but instinctually, I avoided him.

He was bigger than life.

He will be difficult to continue to avoid.

HANDWASHING

My father imposed handwashing on me at a very young age. He was always asking me to wash my hands. I now find myself doing the same thing with my daughter. Sometimes when I ask her to wash her hands, I can hear my father's voice in mine.

As a result, we go through a lot of soap.

I'M PRETTY SURE THEY'RE FROM IDAHO

The couple live in a big, yellow house with two orange doors. She lives on the other side of the door on the right, and he lives on the other side of the door on the left. I don't know why they have separate doors.

Her door leads to a big front room with large windows. I'm not exactly sure where his door leads.

They both seem to be in their mid-thirties and are similar in height.

He is clean cut, with dark hair and mustache. Sometimes I see him picking up trash outside with a grabber and bucket.

She is tall, blonde, and very beautiful. She has a little dog. I think it's a Chihuahua. Sometimes she puts a gate up and lets the dog run around on the stoop.

They both drive little Japanese cars that are fuel efficient. Hers is a dark gray Toyota. His is a black Nissan. Because the cars are small, they have a parking advantage on our crowded street.

Everything I know about them I've observed from my window.

I'm pretty sure they're from Idaho.